This post has been really hard to write and I've been procrastinating it intentionally. Again, the memory is a bit fuzzy but this is as accurate as I can remember it.
My friends and I walked into the restaurant/bar. The way it's set up, there's a main hallway you walk into. On the left are several smallish banquet rooms you can reserve, and on the right is a gigantic open room where the bar is. Lots of small tables around, a dance floor (I think). I remember there was a live band playing that night and it was LOUD.
We walked into the room and started looking around, making our way across the room. About halfway across, I saw him. He hadn't seen us yet. The girls peeled off and headed over by the bar while I continued toward him. I was maybe 10 feet away when he finally saw me and froze, wide-eyed. I took a deep breath, walked straight up to him, stuck out my hand, and said:
"Hi Wes, I'm Lily," and shook his hand. He recovered quickly and said something like, "I figured."
He was sitting in a chair against the wall. I sat next to him rather than across from him, a) so I could hear him better, and b) because I was afraid he would take off otherwise, and with me next to him he was trapped. I mostly remember my half of the conversation because I'd rehearsed what I was going to say so many times, and honestly he didn't say much at all. Here's an approximation of the conversation:
Me: I'm guessing you know why I'm here.
Brett: Yeah.
Me: And that you're totally busted.
Brett: Yeah.
Me: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Brett: (silence)
Me: Actually, I really don't care what you have to say at this point. I told you when we were talking about getting married that the only reasons I would ever divorce you were for abuse or infidelity.
Brett: (silence)
Me: (pausing, as a waitress comes over to ask if I want anything. I ordered a Coke.) Okay, well, here's what's going to happen. There is a bag in your trunk with some of your things. Do not come home tonight. You are no longer welcome in my home. In the morning as soon as the bank opens, on the advice of an attorney I am going to go withdraw half the funds and open an account of my own. I will be filing for divorce. Do you have any questions?
Brett: Uh....no.
Me: (I'm pretty sure I made some parting shot but I honestly don't remember what it was.)
I'm fairly certain there was more to it, but it was not a long conversation. Maybe 10 minutes? Afterward, I got up and walked away. Chin up, no crying, no looking back. The girls joined me as we walked back across the room. About halfway across, one of the girls noticed that Brett had gotten up and gone into the hallway, looking like he was going to try to cut us off at the door to the outside. They planted themselves in front of me like a shield and just kept walking, glaring daggers at Brett who was waiting at the door, and we walked out without a word. I wonder sometimes what he was planning to say or do, but I guess it's irrelevant at this point.
We got in the car and left. The girls drove us to Dairy Queen and we got ice cream to take home.
Back home, where my other friend had been waiting with my sleeping children. We got inside and started eating the ice cream, and I just...lost it. I fell apart. I had worked so hard to stay composed through that whole ordeal, to not show weakness. To not let him see how completely he had broken me.
And he had. In a matter of months, I'd birthed a child, admitted that my shelf had broken and I wanted out of the Mormon church, found out my supposedly devout Mormon husband had been cheating on me for months, and accepted the fact that divorce was happening. That my marriage was over.
I felt shattered, and raw, and completely adrift. I cried and I raged. He started texting me. It was a heated exchange since he apparently had found his voice now that we weren't face to face. I don't remember what was said, I just remember being so enraged with him and what he was saying. I know I was playing fast and loose with the f-word, but that's really all I remember.
At some point in the night after getting home, I logged back into his Kik account and messaged the girl he was supposed to be meeting that night. I very frankly told her who I was, that he had been lying to her, that I had busted him. I sent several pictures of us as a family to prove that what I was saying was the truth. She was instantly apologetic and answered a bunch of questions I had for her. I didn't blame her. I knew (obviously) that he was going under a fake name and passing himself off as single and childless (while using pictures I'd taken of him outside the home we shared).
Eventually everyone left. I went in and climbed into our bed and sobbed until I was too exhausted to stay awake anymore.
Next: A Request and an Ultimatum
No comments:
Post a Comment