Tuesday, August 21, 2012

What do you do?

I know I've got a lot of catching up to do, what with Burn Camp and all, but there's something that's been on my mind for a few weeks that just has me completely flummoxed.

What do you do when someone you've been close with decides to cut ties? What do you do when you have no idea why? How do you respond when the email you get is completely bewildering?

For her sake, I won't name her. I'm not calling her out. I don't want mutual friends to start bugging her on my behalf. I just...need to get this out, to try to figure out my feelings.

Brett and I have been friends with this woman and her husband for most of our marriage. We love them! We spent a ton of time together. We were deeply involved in each other's lives. She was my best friend. And then she kind of....disappeared.

I called. And texted. And facebooked. And emailed. (Rinse, and repeat.) I finally stopped for couple of weeks because I thought maybe I was being obnoxious by trying so hard. I knew she'd gotten pregnant, and I was so excited for her! I wanted to drop off a gift for her, but knew she'd gotten a new job recently and so I didn't know when she'd be home. Eventually, I called and left another message inviting them over to celebrate Amy's birthday with us.

And in response, I got the most bewildering email I've ever gotten. I won't share it, because it's not really anyone else's business, but let's just say it created more questions than it answered. It made references to 'turning a blind eye to the path you have chosen' and that they 'hope you can make the best of your future.'

Almost a month later, and I still can't make heads or tails of 3/4 of the email. Regardless, I still have feelings about it. Mostly, hurt. I am just so hurt by it. First, because she chose to end our friendship, in my opinion out of the blue. I have always taken the loss of a friend extremely hard. I love my friends, and when I love someone, I love them deeply. Losing a friend (or two, in this case), especially under such puzzling circumstances, feels like I've been completely rejected and cast aside. It's incredibly painful.

Second, because I don't understand. It's difficult to accept something I don't understand. I know I don't have control over others, obviously, but it's painful when I'm left groping in the dark for answers that aren't there. I responded to her email, expressing my confusion. I don't expect to get a response. I doubt I'll ever really know why this has happened, and that really bothers me. I feel like I need closure, and for that to happen, I need answers. But that's really not in my power.

I miss her. She was my best friend for years. She and her husband are incredible, dedicated, fun, loving people. I'm sure they'll make fantastic parents, and I wish them all the best. I just wish I could still be a part of their lives...or at least know why I've been unceremoniously cast away.

1 comment:

  1. I've totally been there, and I wish I had any kind advice--preferably useful. I was just as confused as you and had no idea what to say or do. It's always such a bummer to lose a friend--especially when you don't know why...