Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My "real" mom

This is something that has ALWAYS bothered me, but it's come up a lot lately so I just want to get this out there. I belong to an online community that is focused on women who are trying to have a baby, are pregnant, or are new moms (or even not-so-new moms). Adoption has been a popular topic recently, and of course, I like to chime in with my 2 cents.

The thing that bothers me is this: People will ask about my family, I'll explain that I'm adopted, and they'll make a comment. Then they ask about my "real" mom, or my "real" parents.

Um...as opposed to my fake mom?

They are referring to my biological parents. Of course, I then have to explain to them that my adoptive parents ARE my "real" parents.

My real mom is the woman who raised me. She is the one who took care of me after the abuse I endured at the hands of my biological mother (either directly or indirectly through her neglect). My real mom is the one who changed my bandages after my many surgeries. She's the one who loved me, despite how mean and hateful I could be sometimes. My REAL mom is the one who took me in and made me a part of her family. She is the one who refused to give up on me, regardless of the direction I had taken in my life. She is the one who has always encouraged me, has motivated me to try harder, to take advantage of my potential, to be a better person. My real mom is the one who has loved me unconditionally, who has protected me, and done everything else that a mother should. She may not be perfect, but in my book, she is pretty darn close.

This is my "real" mom, the only mom I remember. The only one that counts.


  1. I hope I've never said that to you or anyone else that has been adopted.

  2. No, you haven't. And thank you for not! :D

  3. And when people have asked me, your real mother, which of my children are "your own children" I have always replied, "They are ALL my own!" I'm glad you've forgiven me for all the mistakes I've made in dealing with you and I am very glad you're my real daughter!